The Wednesday-night call from camp: “I hate my counselor. They’re so mean. Can you come get me?”
Most of these calls are a kid having a hard moment, not a kid in a problem situation. Some are the latter. The 10-minute conversation does the triage.
Listen first. Don’t fix. Let them tell you the whole story. Don’t interrupt to defend the counselor or to offer solutions. The first three minutes of the call should be 90 percent kid talking.
Ask three clarifying questions, in order.
-
“What did the counselor say or do specifically?” Get the actual incident, not the kid’s interpretation. “She was mean” is interpretation. “She told me to be quiet at lunch when I was the only one talking” is the actual thing.
-
“What do other kids think of this counselor?” The “everybody hates her” answer is often inaccurate. Asking specifically usually reveals that one or two kids feel similarly and many are fine.
-
“Is there an adult at camp you do feel okay talking to?” Even if the counselor is the problem, there is usually another adult at camp the kid can use as a backup. Knowing that name matters.
The triage.
If the answers describe normal counselor stuff (boundary-setting, lights-out enforcement, breaking up clique behavior), the kid is having a frustration. Help them name it as frustration, not as “this counselor is bad.” Coach them on what to try tomorrow.
If the answers describe a pattern (the counselor singles them out, makes them feel embarrassed in front of others, has done this for several days), it’s worth a call to the camp director. Not a “come get me” call. A “I want to flag this so you know what’s happening” call. Most camp directors take it seriously and reassign the counselor’s role with that kid.
If the answers describe anything that crosses a line (any inappropriate behavior, isolation that feels punitive, anything that makes the kid feel unsafe), pick the kid up. Don’t second-guess. The kid telling you about it took courage and they need to see action.
The line that helps: “I hear you. Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s see how it goes. If it’s still bad on Friday, we’ll talk about what to do.” This holds the door open without overreacting and without dismissing.
The line that hurts: “Just toughen up, you’ll be fine.” This teaches the kid not to call you next time something is actually wrong.
The kid who calls you when something at camp is hard is the kid who will keep calling you when something at school is hard, and at college, and at their first job. Treat the call as the long-term skill it is.