After being benched. What to say.
What to say when your teenager gets benched or pulled from the lineup. The script for the hard ride home.
What they're feeling
- · Embarrassed in front of teammates.
- · Angry and maybe looking for a target.
- · Questioning whether the coach trusts them.
- · Not sure what to do next.
What to say (pick one)
- "I saw how you handled that. That was hard."
- "What do you think happened?"
- "What are you going to do in practice this week?"
Then stop talking.
What not to say
- "That coach has no idea what he's doing."
- "You should have said something right there."
- "We're paying for this program. You should be playing."
The rule
Don't fight the decision in the car. Help them figure out how to respond to it.
If they bring it up
- · If they're angry, let the anger land before you redirect.
- · Ask if they know why. If they don't, help them think about how to ask the coach.
- · What happens in practice next week matters more than the bench decision.
- · If this is a pattern, have a different conversation about fit.
Pin this
After being benched
- · Validate how hard it was. Don't skip that.
- · Help them think about their response. Not the coach's decision.
- · One game's bench time is not a verdict on their career.
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